How I live

It's not pretty. I bought this house 20 years ago, when I was single. It was built in 1941, 2 bedrooms, 1 bath on the main floor. The basement is finished in a very 1970's style with fake panelling, shag carpet, a wet bar and even a dance floor. It was a fine house for me, then for me and Charlie and still fine even when we had the two girls. Before Jack came home, Charlie was supposed to clean out the downstairs, which had become a dumping ground of sorts, so the large family room and bedroom could be the kids' territory and we'd hoped to put a bathroom in down there too. Never happened. This has been 4 years and he's essentially done nothing. So we all live, with 2 cats and 2 dogs, in less than 1000 square feet. Now this might be okay with another family, but all 5 of us are not naturally tidy people. Although the rest of them might disagree, I am probably to most naturally tidy person - we all agree though that I am the one that becomes the most upset at the mess. A typically week for us is like this: Monday, Tuesday - Charlie goes to work early. I get the kids up and dressed and to school. I work until right before 5:00 and then run to pick them up. Once we are home, dinner and a little homework and it's time for bed. While they are eating, homeworking and watching TV, I usually do dishes, clean up, etc. Charlie comes home around 8:00 in the evening usually. He doesn't feel he should have to do anything around the house on the days that he works, so he makes himself some food and sits on the bed. Weds: same routine in the morning, but Charlie works 1/2 day so picks up the kids right after school. Usually they come home, the kids do nothing except play video games and watch TV, while eating massive quantities of food. Charlie sleeps. I work late and usually go to the store after I get off. This requires me to haul in all the groceries by myself though I can usually get one of the kids to help put it away. Generally when I get home I find dinner and homework not done, and no housework either. So it's on to that for a while. Wednesday is a night I take Enbrel shots and by then I am usually in pain and limping. Charlie and the kids will watch me from wherever they are, but don't often help. Thurs: Charlie takes them to school and picks them up. I go to work, work late, run any errands and come home to the same thing. Oh, and I forgot to mention, no matter what I say, do, scream, anything, they will not put away their garbage.. Garbage, garbage, garbage, it's everywhere. Food wrappers. Dishes. Silverware. Papers and on and on. All over the living room and dining room and everywhere else. Fri: See Thursay, with the addition that I have to take an MTX shot. This one doesn't hurt going in but the next day I am down for the count due to crushing fatigue. As Charlie so nicely put it "You essentially poison yourself every Friday night so you aren't good for much on Saturday." Yep. Today I spent the day in bed watching TV, reading and dozing. There was a block party outside our door, I didn't go. Charlie did go to the grocery store and get stuff for the party, which I appreciated. The problem with Charlie and stores is that he is a very bad shopper. He can spend more money on more stuff and still come home with nothing to eat. It's pretty amazing. And stupid. So around 8:00 or so when everyone is tired, Bethany finds she has a sore on her back - I still don't understand how exactly it happened, but part of her belt rubbsed a big raw spot on her back. So we are trying to clean it, put antibiotic on it and bandage it and she will not stop screaming. There will be another whole post someday about Bethany's terrors...of bugs...of sores...of medicine and on and on. Charlie got mad and somewhat out of control and tried to hold her down...she screamed more and that was that - she has no medicine on it now and a bandaid that doesn't cover the spot. He decided he had to go to bed (which he does) and so I came into the living room to get the kids to sleep (again the reason why they sleep on the living floor will have to be another blog post). And I was treated to a 45-minute harangue from Annie about what a horrible mother I am. I finally stopped talking after she reduced me to tears. Everyone is asleep and I amd on the computer and it's after midnight. And I am wondering how I am going to do this. The vast majority of my energy goes to work. And I have to work - I pay most of the bills, all the health insurance, etc. I come home to a mess every night and no help. And no support. And no sympathy when I can't move my fingers or walk straight or get up out of a chair without groaning. And that makes me feel like such a wimp to write, not to mention a poor and ineffective parent. Tears want to come back now, so off to bed....